The Loneliness in Communcation

This summer I was plagued by strangers asking for friendship, across different social media platforms.

I'm a sympathetic person and I can get caught up with a stranger if I feel he or she needs the attention. 

I had to take a step back. It was partly because I have a lot on my plate that I have chosen to do: church, volunteering, a community association, teacher union things, a writing project,  on top of the usual: home, garden, family.

It was also because it was a little awkward. It was mostly men, middle aged or older, who were seeking friendship. A friendship? or a "friendship"? I'm married. So, erm, no.

How did Facebook, Wattpad, Instagram become hunting grounds for relationships? What has this world come to? 

Of course, with the current social climate, racism, and the pandemic, worries like these are extremely minor in the grand scheme of things. But it still makes me wonder.

Why can't people find friends from going out with their regular friends? Oh, wait. That's right. We were cloistered as a world-wide community for about six months now. Most of us stayed away from our usual normal circles. Ah, I see.

Also, I've heard that people can be busy. That's what I have read is the reason that some use those relationship apps which are supposed to save their users time by automatically matching them up with potential mates.  

If you are that busy, and you know you want a friend, maybe you need to be... I don't know... less busy? Go to fewer meetings? Ask for time off? Leave work on time, one day a week, and go to an online card game group? 

Yet still. Why would anyone think another person would want to randomly chat with you, outside of any connection - you have no connection with them, no friends in common, no reading in common, no article in common - and they just want to have a talk?

It made me a little sad. Human beings need to connect with each other. We are social animals and as such, we seek our herds, our tribes, and we want to know we are valued, appreciated, and needed in this world. It keeps us sane. The ones who don't have those connections are potentially in danger of depression or worse. That's why I sometimes lose out to my feelings of sympathy.

So, I decided to close up my social media doors. I thought, as a classroom teacher, I need to model safe internet practices for my students as well as for myself. The first app I closed up was my teacher instagram. I turned it from public to private.  Originally, I kept it public because I had imagined naively that students 'everywhere' would be inspired by my posts and students from ages ago would reconnect with me and let me know how successful they are - or at least happy.

When I thought about it, I didn't want strangers commenting on my posts, because those comments could connect the stranger with one of my students. Nope.  On that thought, I made that account private.

I changed my Facebook settings that people could only connect with me if they had a connection with one of my existing friends. I posted about that experience and encouraged others to check their "friends" settings. A stranger, whose own friendship request originally inspired me to figure out the solution to that glitch, "liked" that post. It was a little humorous.

I had a few dozen messages on Wattpad over the past few years. I never knew because I was inactive on Wattpad. I started up again for various reasons. I assumed the message were all 'bots. However, I did chat with one, as a sort of test for 'bot-ness, and it appeared to be a real human. This person wanted to chat off Wattpad, but, er. No.

I stopped notifications from Wattpad. It was a little impolite, I think, to just basically disappear from that person, but, hm. The internet society is an odd one.

Now, that I am writing about this, I need to go back and change my contact information, too. 

I wish everyone will have or has a good friend or two; someone with whom he or she can connect with, laugh with, share ideas with, and break bread with.  

I just can't be that person for everyone in the world. 

Racism Is Killing the Planet

The ideology of white supremacy leads the way toward disposable people and a disposable natural world

[Note: This article was published originally on the Sierra Club's website. I do not take credit for it - though I wish I could! - and thought the information was so breathtakingly enlightening, it should be shared as often as possible. - DA ]

BY HOP HOPKINS | JUN 8 2020

Last week, my family and I attended an interfaith rally in Los Angeles in defense of Black life. We performed a group ritual in which we made noise for nine minutes to mark the last moments of George Floyd’s life. My wife, my oldest daughter, and I played African drums to mark those nine minutes with the rhythm of a beating heart. Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum, over and over again. 

While we drummed, I realized how difficult it is to keep up any physical activity for nine minutes straight. Most of us can’t even sit completely still on our butts for nine minutes; if you’ve ever meditated, you understand why they refer to sitting as practice. 

As I struggled to maintain my posture and keep up the rhythm, I thought about the level of commitment it takes to hold someone down for nine minutes straight. The realization horrified me. The cop who has been charged with murdering George Floyd had to have been deeply committed to taking his life. The police officer had so many chances to let up the pressure, to let George live. Yet the officer made the choice not to. 

To spend nine minutes taking the life-breath from another person: That is what white supremacy does to white people. That is what white supremacy does to the rest of us too. White supremacy robs each of us of our humanity. It causes white people to view Black people as less than human. Every one of those cops watching George die was convinced that the man pinned to the ground was less than human, was in some way disposable. 

Otherwise, how could they hold him down for nine whole minutes? How could they bring themselves to do it? 

You can’t have climate change without sacrifice zones, and you can’t have sacrifice zones without disposable people, and you can't have disposable people without racism.

During the street protests and marches of the past two weeks, many people carried signs that read “Racism Is Killing Us.” It’s no exaggeration to say that racism and white supremacy harm all of us, because in addition to robbing us of our humanity, racism is also killing the planet we all share.

An idea—a long-overdue realization—is growing in the environmental movement. It goes something like this: “We’ll never stop climate change without ending white supremacy.” This argument has entered the outdoor recreation and conservation space thanks to the leadership of Black, Indigenous, and other people of color in the climate justice movement. The idea has taken on new force as folks in the mainstream environmental movement do our best to show up for George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Tony McDade, and all the Black people still living and subject to police violence.

I know that a lot of people are struggling with the thought that addressing the environmental crises must involve dismantling white supremacy. At Sierra Club meetings, some people hear me say something like that and think, “Damn, fighting climate change wasn’t hard enough already? Now we have to end racism and white supremacy too? Seriously, man?”

I get that feeling of being overwhelmed. It’s a lot to carry. It’s a lot to hold. We all have enough to do without feeling like we’re taking on even more.

But I want to share another lens from which we can view this moment. I really believe in my heart of hearts—after a lifetime of thinking and talking about these issues—that we will never survive the climate crisis without ending white supremacy. 

Here’s why: You can’t have climate change without sacrifice zones, and you can’t have sacrifice zones without disposable people, and you can't have disposable people without racism. 

...(continue reading here.)

#sierraclub #hophopkins

Perfectly Made as You Are

Perfectly made as you are
Do not hide your colors
They are a flag for the fallen
A beacon for the beaten
A signal for the saddened
Uplifting those who are weighted
With the grief of living
Do not hide

Fears quietly allayed due to who you are
There is no need to shout
A voice for the silent
A song for the suppressed
A scream for the downtrodden
Calling up those who are plaited
With the strife of living
Do not shout

In the heat you are the shade, the cold star
Do not dash your cares
A trade for the tormented
A tirade for the unrelented
You are a plaything for the restless
Entertaining spirits whose human breath is plaited
With the life of living
Do not dash

In all things:
Do not hide
Do not shout
Do not dash
Your existence enables mine
Though you may think little of your import
Because your value I do not exhort
Trust: it's in the quiet, the murk
the slurry of creation
Comfort is thine - and mine

The Uncertain Gift

Crying is an uncertain gift

you are adrift

awash, if you will, 

in an emotional swill

When words fail,

enter a dark wale

spilling over time

truth in silver lines

Mocked as weak

labeled for the meek

Don't chide the sublime

God provided our kind

It's no calamity

for humanity

Let go

of the lie you've been sold

The deception of thought

the mind has wrought

can create so-called truth

yet the heart always speaks true

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Review: Hero

Hero by Michael Grant
My rating: 4 of 5 stars



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Review: All the Wind in the World

All the Wind in the World by Samantha Mabry
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is an odd combination of genres, as has been mentioned before, but unlike some reviewers, I think the writer makes it work.
Firstly, life isn't slotted by 'genres'; it's messy and sometimes unknowable, so the story line may seem implausible for your average movie audience, but for me, it reflected reality. It seems dystopian with its bleak landscape and setting; it seems fantasy with its suggestion of talismans and ghosts; it is definitely a romance, though the romantic relationship is awkward, rocky and full of questions at the end.
Secondly, although the romance wasn't neat and tidy, sometimes love isn't that way. Lovers live with questions, sometimes secrets, and die with them, too. I didn't find the ending disappointing. I found it hauntingly real and unfinished: I believe the heroic couple will find healing and forgiveness for each other in their future.
Finally, the writing is beautifully lyrical though, agreeably with one other reviewer, there is a lack of physical descriptions of the characters. I think it's because the story line is driven more by their personalities and this allows us to imagine what the characters look like for ourselves, perhaps ingraining our own life experiences and personal imagery into the story line.
There are few curse words, implications of sex, homosexuality and drunkenness and a wild Lord-of-the-Flies uprising toward the end.

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Review: All the Wind in the World

All the Wind in the World by Samantha Mabry
My rating: 4 of 5 stars



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Review: Blank Confession

Blank Confession by Pete Hautman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars



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Review: Glow

Glow by Megan E. Bryant
My rating: 3 of 5 stars



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Review: Thirteen Reasons Why

Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher
My rating: 1 of 5 stars



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Review: Tears of a Tiger

Tears of a Tiger by Sharon M. Draper
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I grabbed this book as part of a freak-out load up, as I accidentally discovered, with one hour left to go, that my local library was closing for two weeks.

The writing was well-done, and very creative. The story is told from multiple points of view and methods of storytelling: conversations, newspaper articles, letters to a friend, notes passed in class, poetry written by students, etc. I was held captive by this slow, almost haphazard uncovering of the unraveling of the one of the main characters, Andy, who was suffering from guilt over being a drunk driver who caused a crash in which one of his best friends died.

**Spoiler**
Andy eventually commits suicide due to his guilt. I did not expect that ending. It was so dark and sad. I think current social and political events has left me emotionally vulnerable. I was not ready for this ending and I actually felt like I hated it. I needed an uplifting ending but I was denied. But what did I expect? "Tears of a Tiger" is the title.

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Review: Tears of a Tiger

Tears of a Tiger by Sharon M. Draper
My rating: 4 of 5 stars



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Review: Weedflower

Weedflower by Cynthia Kadohata
My rating: 4 of 5 stars



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Review: Remember Me

Remember Me by Chelsea Bobulski
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This dark romance had me captured nearly from the first page. The gothic story is played out in a turn-by-turn chapter style, with viewpoints switching between our present-day heroine, Nell, and a young girl, at the turn of the century, Lea. Their connection is driver of the exhilarating plot, which steers just clear of being trite or predictable. There were many heart-clutching moments which kept me coming back to read the next chapter, and the the next. You cannot guess at the different turns the story takes, which is a delight in a world of copycat writers.

The background story of Nell's mother dying in an airplane crash, being the source of Nell's mental issues, was a little out of place although it made for a sentimental connection between Nell (present-day) and the mother of Lea (turn of the century).

The relationship turned romance between Nell's dad and the hotel's general manager was melodramatic. The general manager, Sophia, who revealed herself near the end of story, to being aware of the unusual connection between Nell and the haunted hotel, like 'a keeper of the secret', was a bit Hollywood. Yet overall, Bobulski's attractive pose is steady and measured, particularly with the development of Nell and her relationship with the Alec Petrov.

The novel is a wonderful escape from reality.

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Review: Red River Girl: The Life and Death of Tina Fontaine

Red River Girl: The Life and Death of Tina Fontaine by Joanna Jolly
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This was an engrossing account of the possible life and death of Tina Fontaine, an indigenous teenaged Canadian female. Heartbreaking and ultimately disappointing, it introduces the reader to the ongoing assault against indigenous females in Canada, which, according the book and some online commentary, continues to be swept aside as unimportant. Tina Fontaine's story inspired more activism and appears to continue to be borne as the flag for the undefended, dead, indigenous females in Canada. My prayers are with you.

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Review: The Living

The Living by Matt de la Pena
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I was pleased to see a 'different type' of book by this author, whose gritty young adult novel We Were Here was amazingly good. This appeared to be a science fiction and/or adventure story. I wondered if he'll grown into the James Patterson type of author: no genre is a mountain that cannot be climbed.

The book took a long time to get to any action or adventure. I was a third of the way in before the earthquake hit, which was all over the book jacket. There was a lot of build up with the protagonist Shy's relationships. There was a superquick development of attraction between a formerly disliked rich, spoiled female passenger, Addie, and working-class Shy, while they were adrift on a rescue raft after their cruise ship sank. A bit melodramatic: "I think I could love you".

Overall, it was fine for an escapist story but I wish the story wasn't so uneven. I will still likely read the next book, because the cliffhanger ending forces me to do so.

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Review: The Living

The Living by Matt de la Pena
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I was pleased to see a 'different type' of book by this author, whose book gritty young adult novel We Were Here was amazingly good. This appeared to be a science fiction and/or adventure story. I wondered if he'll grown into the James Patterson type of author: no genre is a mountain that cannot be climbed.

The book took a long time to get to any action or adventure. I was a third of the way in before the earthquake hit, which was all over the book jacket. There was a lot of build up with the protagonist Shy's relationships. There was an superquick development of attraction between a formerly disliked rich, spoiled female passenger, Addie, and working-class Shy, while they were adrift on a rescue raft after their cruise ship sank. A bit melodramatic: "I think I could love you".

Overall, it was fine for an escapist story but I wish the story wasn't so uneven. I will still likely read the next book, because the cliffhanger ending forces me to do so.

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Review: We Were Here

We Were Here by Matt de la Pena
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I was surprised by how good this story was. The cover of the battered copy I found by chance at our had me thinking it'd be a teen angst type of story. I try to grab a variety of books these days.

I opened the book at random, preparing to put it back, but I found myself caught by scene in which a romantic fairytale is recounted by an amazingly beautiful Chinese girl with green hair, and who is the driver of a car with runaways .... from somewhere. The story is about the unfinished dreams of a Chinese singer and it clearly bothered one of the passengers. I couldn't stop. I wanted to find out what happened. This was in the middle of the book.

The story is revealed in journal chapters by date. Over the course of the book we learn about Miguel, his anger, his frustrations, and his brief life in a group home for boys. After a violent first meeting, he teams up with a psychopathic Chinese young man to run away from the group home. A mysterious giant of a black youth joins them. The story continues to develop interest as these three marauders set off for Mexico, to start their lives anew. Their lives, it turns out, renews on the road.

I had figured out Miguel's secret hurt midway through the book but I won't spoil it for you. His secret isn't actually the culmination of the story; his redemption is.

There is tough, foul language but the cadence is familiar and genuine. It's not foul language for the sake of art, or for the sake of excitement, or worse, marketing. The gritty talk is really a part of the characters and you can hear how the lingo and words fall easily across the page. De la pena writes with an authenticity that is appreciated.

I am happy to have discovered an author whose next book I am excited to read.

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Review: The Downstairs Girl

The Downstairs Girl by Stacey Lee
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This was an enjoyable period piece with an unusual setting: Chinese immigrants in Post-Reconstruction US South, early nineteenth century. The twist at the end is nearly predictable but the female protagonist is charming and feisty. Good story.

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Why aren't some children more resilient?

I suppose I can only speak for myself and my own children.

I've not a done a scientific study on this topic.

I only have observations.

Children who seem to "bounce back" from difficulty often seem to be the happier children.  The happy kids are likely those kids whose parents or guardians give them doses of love and care each day.

The children who seem to fall apart at a challenge often seem to be the children easily wounded by criticism. They may have a parent figure or leader at home who chastises them for every mistake, in the hopes of encouraging them to do better.

I think the adults who admonish, ridicule or express exasperation frequently are not leading or teaching their children how to survive disappointments. I believe that is their intent to do. I think they may have good intentions of "showing kids how to be tough".

"Tough" kids, resilient kids appear to be those who know that if they fall, someone will be there to dust them off.

I am not equating "helicopter parent" with this idea. That's a whole different thing. It's the parent or guardian who picks up the fallen, band-aids the cuts, kisses the bruise, laughs at the mistake, and says, "Oh, well. Next time." That's not a helicopter. That's a family. That's a support system. That's the belief that those who have fallen down can get up again.

"Next time" is so important. It tells children that this mistake was only a moment. It's not forever. There's another chance. There's another opportunity coming.

So, you want your kid to be "tough"? To be resilient? I think you should love them deeply, often and publicly. Ignore those "mature" adults who balk at your actions and call you a "helicopter" parent, say that you are "babying" them.  I think they may not have had enough love in their own childhood to understand that children need love and support to grow up into loving and supporting people.

Look at the animals at the local shelter. Look at the fiercely angry or cowering animals.
They were thrown out, abandoned in times of difficulty, left without a support system.

Did that experience toughen them? Did they become more "resilient"? No. They became angry, suspicious or weak and fearful. Some may even have become dangerous. This is very similar to human beings. Some of those wounded pets still seek attention, affection. This is also similar to human beings.

We had a feral cat who hissed at us and threatened our pets. My husband began feeding it. Over time, the hissing reduced. Then it began to try to rub against our legs in a typical cat-love way. It had received attention. It had received care, food. It became less angry and less threatening. This, too, is similar to humans.

Resiliency is born in the confidence that misery is temporary and joy is always within reach. That is something which is taught; it is not innate.